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Job-hunting made difficult
The Dime
The on-going search for employment by Area College Graduate was made difficult by the fact that the recent Alum of Area College has no marketable skills what-so-ever. Having never worked in food services or retail, lacking all but a fundamentary working knowledge of computers and being without personal automotive transportation, the Graduate has become more frustrated and bewildered by the Real World. "Wow," he said in a recent interview, "I guess deconstructing Naomi Wallace's In the Heart of America through post-Freudian analysis won't get me a job at Ragstock. Who would have thought?"

The Graduate is currently planning to spend then next few hours 'curled into a ball hoping the universe takes some notice and pity'. Experts denounce this plan as 'self-indulgent', 'spoiled' and 'unrealistic'. "The universe doesn't take pity," said post-collegiate expert Mia Hamrod. "The universe helps those that help themself. This College Graduate has a lot of growing up to do, and I'm not talking about the kind that leads to a post-structuralist's fascination with the artificiatily of theology as divinity but rather as politic."

Sources close to the Graduate claim that he is filled with unrealistic hopes and dreams for employment, and should just get his application for Arby's ready.

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Umm, if it makes you feel any better, I graduated with one of those supposedly-useful hard science degrees, that are supposed to entitle us to sneer at all you lowly liberal arts deconstructrixes, and I still can't fricking find a job. Apparently if I had wanted to do research (which I don't, but at this point I'll do anything), I should've done more molecular boring crap, and if I wanted to be a veterinary technician, I should've just gotten a two-year degree in that.

Even when I was, briefly, employed, right before they fired my ass, I was paying off student loans so I could get paid $10 an hour to scrape bird shit off walls with a butter knife. If I'd stayed at the job, I might've graduated to scraping bird shit off the walls with a putty knife. True swank, that.

Does being a department assistant give you any admin-assistant-type useful skills? By which I mean, can you blatantly lie and say that it did? Because as far as I can tell, lying on one's resume (in ways that don't get caught, anyway), is pretty much a win-win scenario. Not that I'm unethical or anything. I'm just cynical about employment.

Or write for somebody? I realize Ian was being sarcastic, but it might not actually be too bad an idea.

Or, yet a third unsolicited idea (sorry)--have you checked to see what Mac is hiring right now? It's not the nicest bus ride from Uptown, but it's do-able, and they pay a lot better than your average retail crap job. If the Admissions office is looking for anybody (that's where Satya and I temped), we could email Anne Walsh and give her your name :). Always good to have an in, I guess.

(Deleted comment)
I didn't think you were being mean. Perhaps "unserious" would have been a better choice of term than "sarcastic".

As for who I am: I am no one to trifle with, and that is all you ever need know.

Umm, more seriously, I doubt you have any idea who I am; I was on the gamer mailing list for a while, and "the walrus" was rather memorable. Also, I was the sophomore who led your Into the Streets freshman year, if that rings a bell. I remembered most of you, at least enough to notice names the next few years.

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