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Fear and invulnerability
The Dime
I have more faith in my body that I do in the metal scaffold or the high up grid. I can't lean over the clouds without panicking, or bring the Genie lift to the highest level unconcerned about tipping over. These things I leave to Leslie, to Chris, to the people who aren't scared. My faith lies in my body. I can flip, turn, stretch, spin, crawl, move knowing that my body will catch me, lift me, save me. I realized today that not everyone has that faith in their bodies.

Yet in that faith, I push my body to hard. I expect to much from it. Because my heart isn't pounding with fear when I let myself fall from standing to the floor, I abuse my body too much. I don't think about it's limitations. As such, I've danced myself sick. I can't remember the last time I've felt this shitty. Nauseated, headache, too many pulled muscles, stiff joints. I'll be lucky if I can dance the dance I made once tomorrow, let alone three times in a row.

For someone so connected to his body, I sure do show it a lot of disrespect...

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In this state of being, I am particularly disgusted with the idea of my brother smoking a cigar... I think I may go vomit. Not that I'm so crazy about that thought in any other state of being, mind you.

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