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The coil of the heart
Zipper is not well, and for the first time ever, we brought her into the vet outside of her normal annual. She's having severe digestive tract issues, affecting both ends. This morning was particularly bad for her. Her spirit is somewhat diminished, but I think it is more of a side effect of the episodes she is having rather than a symptom in and of itself. She's sleeping in my lap right now, and I've been at her side all afternoon into the evening.

Because of potential dehydration, they gave her packs of liquid subcutaneously. They gave those to Buttons so many times in his last week. Everything about this situation is triggering all my memories of his final days, and it is tearing me apart to have Zipper going through this not five months after his passing. She is not in the same state that he was, by any measure. But I can't stop the associations. I can't stop the worry and the anxiety. I can't stop crying, for her and for him.

The vet is concerned that it is an obstruction in her bowels. If it is, and it doesn't appear that she is passing it on her own, it could mean surgery. I don't know how serious this surgery is, but I naturally imagine the worst. High risk, painful recovery. My brain says that it is probably a routine procedure, some risk, but not at all extreme. My heart doesn't listen. My heart has a cold wire wrapped around it.

I need the spring so desperately. I need the spring for my Zipper.

Miss you, baby boy.