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Singing Agathe
In the continuing drama of My Brain Never Goes Quiet, I now contemplate the concept of the Audience.

From somewhere in our popular cultural arose a quote telling us to 'dance like nobody is watching'. This idea has been presented weekly in the Contact Improv class I have been taking at Zenon. Improv is about the moment, about spontaneity and unfettered creative impulse. Lessons are taught around concepts of being soft in the body, welcoming to impetus of motion from outside ourselves, and letting go of the idea that this is a Performance.

Among the many things I have struggled with in the improv realm, the most I am loath to actually overcome is letting go of Performance and Audience. I cannot dance as if no one is watching. I am too keenly attuned to the Audience, though it may be invisible, silent or even non-existent. Yes, I am fascinated by what my body can achieve for its own sake, but I am much more interested in what that could evoke in an observer. It is nice to feel my arms rise up in an unplanned expansion of internal energy. So much nicer is the thought that the interaction between sinew, muscle, bone and pneuma can been experienced by someone outside my body. That it can lead them to Story.

And here I begin to tie it to my writing as well. One of my eternal battles with my writing is that I simply do not do enough of it. That is partially related to the fact that I cannot write only for the enjoyment of a moment. I write for an Audience, even if it is no one by myself years later. This means that I am not drawn to write without concept, without intent, without edit. Again, I bow to the idea of Story, and Story requires Audience.

I acknowledge that there is much to gain from letting go and experiencing creativity without intent. I admire those who are able to do it as I clumsily try to obey only the whimsy of my personal Now. But I don't think there is anything wrong with my fondness for the Audience either. I garner a lot of strength from my connection to it. There are times when I feel in touch with some greater unconscious, swimming in a sea of mythos and Story, as opposed to sailing on top of it. I am a weaver, and I recognize that.

I cannot tell if it is cause or effect, but my awareness of Audience is closely tied to why My Brain Never Goes Quiet.