The Alphabet Witch (wilowisp) wrote,
The Alphabet Witch

Trudging onward

Things are not spectacular at the moment. We are all still alive, we have food on our table and a roof over our heads. We are both still employed. These are all things I remind myself of when I think about complaining in a more public forum like this. Still, I feel shitty sometimes, and perhaps I should indulge myself a little bit more in expressing that, albeit in a tempered manner.

What sucks exactly? Four issues come to mind:

1. Work. Yes, I'm grateful for a job in these tough times, and a job I can do well, that keeps me mildly challenged, that pays me well. But seeing as it has been "Open Enrollment Season" since September, I'm just tired. I tolerate managerial incompetence with less dignity. The smallest of tasks seem like the greatest of burdens. Making it in each morning is a dreadful act, and even my drive home (while relatively short, I know) is just another chore. It will get better I think, I hope. Just stuck in a bad place.

2. The kitchen floor. Almost two weeks ago, a leak sprung under the kitchen sink. It soaked under the laminate flooring, into the basement and out onto the back sidewalk. The plumber fixed it at quite the cost, replacing other potentially corroding connectors as well. Then the company came to rip up the laminate and dry it out. Five days of 3 industrial fans and 1 industrial dehumidifier, bringing the temperature in the house to 83 and the noise level to discomforting. Now that it's dry, we wait for the floors to be replaced. Except that they may have to replace the entire main floor, since it was all laid at once with no natural seam. And dealing with insurance has been as... trying as you can imagine.

3. Button's health. I came home Tuesday night to my poor pup pacing, keeping his stomach tense, and generally being worrisome. Eventually I took him into the vet, where after Xrays and tests, they best they could offer was some digestive tract infection. He's spent the last 3.5 days refusing to come out of his kennel, except when coaxed for food or to go outside. He trembles nearly constantly. He's on turkey baby food at the moment, because the vet thinks dry food would be too harsh on his digestive track. Every time we think we see a glimmer of improvement, he retreats back into his kennel. I do have faith that his body will be able to work this out on its own, with a little help from the pills we have. But it will take time, and these days are weighing down on me with my worry for him.

4. The shorter days. I feel like every year I fight with myself against admitting that the longer nights have any negative impact on me. And every year, I am giving up that fight sooner and sooner. I am affected. I wouldn't call it SAD, because it's not something that debilitates me. I can still function normally. It does take it's toll, though, on both my energy and my mood. I do enjoy having longer nights at times, and I can always find something pretty in the dark. In later years, though, I don't have the ability to just stop living the same grown-up life in the winter as I do the rest of the time. Once upon a time, retreating into a winter cocoon was doable. Not so much any more.
Tags: bitch, buttons, dark, growing old, house, musing, sad, selfish, time's passage, winter, work
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