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Gendered musings
The Cardinal
wilowisp
I make a very clear, personal distinction between 'sex' and 'gender'. So much so that I often times refuse to answer "What is your gender?" as either 'male' or 'female'. Yeah, it's liberal snobbery, but I've got a point to make, dammit. Ask me "What is your sex?" and I'll freely say 'male'.

Anyway, with that said, I'll muse that I view 'dude' and 'girl' as genders, both particularly when referring to grown adults. Statements like "girls like pink" don't seem like sexism to me. It's one of the things that identifies the gender for me. Some guys act like 'dudes'; they way they interact with people, the activities they involve themselves in.

Would love to hear other people's take on this.

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For some reason, gender includes age for me. In all my internal musings on gender, I've found that I'm not really okay with fitting in with the roles for a girl or a woman or a lady or a man, but what I really would like to be is a boy. Or a grrl. That might be okay too.

"Dude" has never occurred to me as a gender of its own. Because of random things that went on in high school, for me it refers more to a hairstyle. Because of random things that went on in college, for me it is also on one level entirely gender neutral.

Also...I knew I had been away from a liberal environment for way too long when a week or two ago I referred to masculinized female fish as "gender bending" to a prof. If fish have genders, they do a really good job of hiding it.

What am I saying, being all dichotomous and shite? Of course, what I really REALLY want to be is an androgyne. Sheesh.

I'm curious to know if you want to be androgyne in sex or in gender, and if it's gender, what you feel is preventing you? And I know I'm opening a can of worms with that question that could explode in many directions.

Ha. Worms indeed. :)

It's more in terms of gender than sex. I have figured out that I'm mostly okay with my physicality (insofar as it can be separated from any social phenomena it brings on)...although I would looooove to be able to shapeshift. That would kick ass.

I suppose that the limitation I see, is that if gender is socially constructed, it is by definition not something that one can create entirely on one's own, in a vacuum, and force on other people. My own take is that, on some level, one has to "pass" as something in order to societally be a "success" at it. The best I can usually pull off is masculine woman, and according to many people I don't even usually ping the radar as masculine, so any claims that I feel like a boy or whatever else are often met with raised eyebrows. There is really a limited, I guess...reward?...for being able to recognize androgyny societally, so most people don't spend a lot of time developing the ability to see it. If people can't see it, how can one pass as it?

In a lot of ways I consider androgyne to be the closest category to my internal gender. But the fact is...if I go out to a bar and get hit on, it's by straight guys who have rarely if ever considered the possibility of anything besides a two gender, two sex system. I admit I'm completely passive when it comes to flirting, which could bias my results towards people more aggressive than what I'm interested in. I've also found from experience that it's not even really a topic worth breaching with someone in that setting as a means of explaining oneself.

Changeling has pointed out that I also have a bizarre muddle in my head regarding what I want to be vs. what I want to sleep with, gender-wise, which I haven't figured out entirely and is probably part of the source of my angst surrounding the whole topic. But that is an entirely separate can of worms.

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