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Singing Agathe
There's a lot about opposition to gay marriage that makes me upset. Blood-boiling, battle-logic mode with a good dose of screams and teeth and venom. But there's one argument that just hurts. The insinuation that I won't make a good father.

I want to be a father someday. I want to be a good father, because otherwise what's the point? That someone out there has already judged me as unfit to be a parent, without knowing anything about me - it doesn't make me mad.

It makes me cry.

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I'm sorry. People are idiots, and don't know what the fuck they're talking about.

Thank you.

Most of the time, I can brush things off with the 'people are dumb' reasoning, but on this point, it sticks in me.

*hugs* Even though we both know that parenthood is not for us, that is something that still really hurts for Changeling and myself.

*hugs* Funny - I think by being mature enough to know it's not for you, it already makes you a better candidate to be a parent than some who are.

And of course, it's a call that you are making about yourself, not one that's being made about you.

People are stupid. Especially the ones who think that while you can't be a good father, they will defend to the death the "right" of young pregnant girls to be mothers. Oh, and then want to do away with any social services for said young mother. *grrrrr*

I'm sorry. *hug*

Thanks. *hugs* It hurts in part because I will have to work so hard, plan so carefully, to ever have a child of my own. And with less than a thought, I'm told I'm less worthy of having a child than a fourteen year old girl who doesn't even want it.

That makes me mad too. Look how many people are out there who are viewed as being "fit" parents and then they beat their children, or abuse them in other ways. I think you would make a wonderful father. Just hearing the ways you interact with your niece are so heartwarming. I hope that someday soon you can be a father.

Thank you. Technically, there's no blood relation between me and my beautiful goddaughter. It only strengthens my resolve to adopt - it's not genetics that makes a family.

Family is how you choose to define it and will change with every person and every situation. It never has to be blood only!

Actually there has been some research that suggests that homosexual males make very good parents. For one thing, they tend to have a larger amount of resources (i.e. money) than either heterosexual couples or homesexual females (thank you gender gap in wages.. :) ). Also, I believe that there has been some research on nurturing instincts that suggests that homosexual males also show greater nurturing response to young than heterosexual males. Now to be fair I think that this was done in rats, but interesting nonetheless. In male rats, they have this tendency to kill infants that they see. This is apparently suppressed in homosexual rats. So look... science is more on your side!

The 'two-males means more money' aspect makes me feel a little guilty, honestly. Sorry, gender inequality! But to know that science is on my side... it takes some of the sting off, calms some of the doubt. Thanks.

I think you'd be a fantastic parent, and screw anyone who says else wise! I can empathize with how much that hurts though. Not too long ago I got into a debate on an extremely liberal blog over whether or not people who are poly should be parents. It was shocking to me that this would come up in a group that wouldn't think twice about the appropriateness of other "nontraditional" parents. How about we say that kids need a parent that loves them, and supports them, and teaches them, and leave it at that? There are too many kids who don't get those things as it is.

Poly is even more out of the mainstream than gay or lesbian households, so I can only imagine the difficulties. On the subject, though, if it's a committed relationship of more than two, what is the harm? A lot of single-parent families actually draw heavily on support from grandparents, and many cultures still have multi-generational homes - grandparents, aunts and uncles, all adults providing care for the children.

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