The Alphabet Witch (wilowisp) wrote,
The Alphabet Witch
wilowisp

Fear

This morning I found something on my desk left by the Boy last night; it was a flyer for Zenon Dance Company's open house this weekend, with free introductory courses to entice people to sign up for the upcoming session.

My heart is in knots.

My brain is trying to come up with every excuse not to go. I don't have any decent dance clothes. I'm way too out of shape to leap back in like that. I won't know anyone, and I'm just too timid.

Basically, a litany of excuses to keep me from going. To keep me from trying, and yes, perhaps making a fool of myself. To hold onto the comfortable bubble that I've mistaken for safety and is really nothing more than apathy. It's why I don't call my old friends from college, why I don't go to most parties, why I don't sign up for a class at the Loft or try out for a play or do really anything any more.

I'm scared.

I can't let that own me. I have to go this Saturday. Maybe it will become something more, maybe it's just a one-shot deal. But I have to go, or else... I don't know what else. I think I'll learn to hate myself, maybe.

Besides... contact improv rocks.
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