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Sleep is a strange place
The Dime
Woke up from the middle of sleep a few nights ago. Sat straight up in bed, trying so fucking hard to breath, but I couldn't. Gasping in, in, in, didn't feel like I was doing anhting, panic started creeping. Finally, I could feel myself breathing again, and I settled down to sleep. Andy, awoken by my sudden panic and gasping, fell asleep immediately, but I couldn't. I was afraid of it happening again. Right after the moment, it was fresh, harsh, real.

I was a little afraid to fall asleep again last night, but managed anyhow. No incidents. The further removed I get from the episode, the more I can question it, examine it, prod it. I'm pretty sure I've sleep apnea. Is that was this was? The panic of not being able to breath... physiological (sleep paralysis chemicals still in place) or psychological (I was breathing, just forgetting to exhale)? Was it all in my head anyway? Is this something I should worry about, or just work on controlling myself better if/when it happens again.

Dreams, sleep, paralysis, night terrors, the hag, nightmares, REM, it's all such a frightening place at times.

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I don't know a lot about sleep apnea, but it sounds a lot like a panic attack to me. I'm not speaking from medical expertise or anything; I just live with someone who has panic disorder, & I have them periodically myself, & it sounds familiar. But if it keeps up, might want a trained professional to look into it.

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