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Insomnia
The Dime
wilowisp
It's dark in the apartment, except for the ever-pervasive streetlights, that mix of orange and silver green that is the starlight of my world. I could live in this light.

My Orphic return is always the car ride back from the north. I cannot stay awake during this trip. I fall asleep, deep sleep, to the murmur of tire wheels against the asphalt, the highway rushing past beneath me. It sends me into far dreamings. I descend not only through one moment of wakefulness, but through all other moments in that car, sleeping, coming back through the fading light, from the north to the city, where I belong. I fall asleep through years and turmoils, and the dreams are never happy. Intense, powerful, the kind that does not frighten with complete strangeness, but with just enough familiarity to disturb. My brother's death coupled with sleep paralysis. A dark stretch of road near my house filled with shades of a poor life, coming undone.

Emerging from these dreams is never safe, is never easy. More and more these days I feel I have lost myself, that the night I awaken into is foreign and out of touch. Like the world has continued on, even for just a few hours, and I was not there, more so than ever before. I have to struggle to catch up.

Then insomnia, worse tonight than ever before. I feel strange at the unknown hour of 4 am. But there are still cars in the distance to hum to me, urban starlight to flood into the room through darkened windows. The boy sleeps soundly in the other room. I am a ghost, but I have my place to haunt until dawn.
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wraiths together...

(Anonymous)
"I am a ghost, but I have a place to haunt until dawn." Now that sentence really does capture the mood and conjur (pun intended) up the exact mental picture of that moment. Well done, lil Z.
Glen

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